Carolynne Ponders Tyranny and Decides it must Stop

Carolynne stood at the window mystified, mummified, and moralized by the parade that passed by celebrating St. Martha Stewart’s Day. It had been 15 years since St. Martha Stewart claimed the United States, the United Kingdom, 7/10th’s of China, and Borneo all in the name of “Cupcakes, Glitter, and Free Enterprise”. Looking out the window at the four-story tall St Martha Stewart balloon that floated by, Carolynne tried to remember the morning when St. Martha Stewart’s troops of genetically modified blueberry nutmeg scones stormed the skies of sea of the UK and claimed it as one would claim the best and firmest apple in the farmers market- with GLEE! She had just returned home wearing nothing but a bit of red silk, Richard Branson’s DNA, and a ciggy in her mouth when she collapsed on the couch, turned on the telly and promptly passed out while the whole sordid event unfolded.
“I still cannot believe I fell for such a trap,” she murmured in her breath as a the mutant marzipan band under the direction of a giant loaf of cinnamon bread played “We Will Rock You”.

You see, dear sweet naive reader, Carolynne and Martha Stewart (known as such before she martyred and sainted herself) were old chums. It was Carolynne who sensed the evil in Martha Stewart’s short-cuts to short-bread back when they were both canning meat at the local Five-N-Splay.
“I’m going to take over the world with genetically modified baked goods one day!”
“That’s nice dear, can you hand me that flank?”
“Sure. It’s going to be great, I am going to make everyone my slave from humans to eggs and flour!”
“Yes yes, very nice. Might I borrow your saw?”
“Of course! I’ll start first with the US, then the UK, and once I get 8/10th’s of China-”
“Darling, reduce, it is much more becoming and reminds people that you understand math.”
“Thank you, 4/5th’s of China-”
“Mmm, now doesn’t that sound better?”
“Oh yes!”

But Carolynne never heard what would happen when 8/10th’s, er 4/5th’s of China would be taken but she did know while watching the parade that she must do something.

“Sir Richard Branson, bring me my Summoning Cape!”

… to be continued if hands are clapped and faeries are brought back from death’s door!


~ by ambur on September 19, 2010.

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