Lesson One: Sebastian’s Death, 10:38pm

It was midnight at ladybug beach. The moon slapped half on the star sky, lighting sand granules and ladybug backsides. A bonfire blew bark to the dune where the ladybugs huddled. The bark landed with a thud upon poor Sebastian, who at the time was swearing by the Lightening Hand of Java that he rode the tip of a seal’s nose earlier in the day.
Marco and Polo discreetly exchanged money and a hearty palp shake.
“So Java does exist?” said Marco.
“Tonight in the form of bark fire.” replied Polo.
The untimely, yet questioningly serendipitous death of Sebastian prompted much murmur in the crowd.
“Is the sky falling?”
“No, no! That is impossible according to Jerry’s Law!”
“I didn’t attend university, what is that?”
“‘Triple Carmel Crunch.’”
“I don’t get it.”
The well-informed ladybug exhaled a sigh of pure frustration, “Education these days! It means, in laybug’s terms, ‘that no piece of sky shall fall unless it is covered in caramel crunch.’ It follows Ben’s Third Law of Strawberry Fudge, that states very clearly, ‘all pieces are evenly distributed with care’, you see?”
“Oh, yes, yes, of course! It all makes sense now!”
“Exactly, physics can answer any of ladybugkind’s questions!”

However, not all conversations were so scientific. For example, Sebastian’s ex-ladyfriend Marsha was heard saying to her friend, Beth, “Bastard stood me up with the same excuse. Riding the tip of a seal nose- absurd! Java smites the liar!”
Her friend crossed herself, “May the Cream be with us,” whispered Beth.
Simultaneously- “My aphids will be fatherless!” followed by a dramatic wail and the sound of crowd consolations.
Marsha sharply turned and began stomping over to the commotion, Beth following nervously,

“Carlota!” Marsha screamed, “First she steals my ladyfriend, then she steals the spotlight! My Java, she probably doesn’t even have real antennae!”
“Calm down Marsha, you’ll upset yourself!” Beth sheepishly said in an attempt to sooth.
“Stay out of it! Hey, Carlota, why don’t you shut your overdramatic trap!”
Carlota, looked up and wiped the snot and tears from her face, “What are you going to do about it Marsha? Sebastian never liked your spots, he said they were too small!”
Marsha screamed! “Oh we are going to have it out, you and I!”
“Bring it on ‘Pepper Flakes!’” whipped back Carlota.
“’Pepper-Flakes’?! That’s it!”

Needless to say a girl fight between ladybug kind over a lying-cheating ladybug is quite a sight. You see, ladybugs aren’t naturally fast or strong or agile. In fact they are quiet clumsy in hand to hand battle and tend to collide with one another, tumble to the ground, and then continue to rock back and forth while yelling insults. Insults may include: “Your mother’s a Stink Beetle!”, “Where’d you get your legs?!”, “I’ve seen better antenna on a snail!”, “Who painted your spots? Crayola?” and the ever worst, “You have the pronotum of a fly larvae!”

However, before you begin to believe that all of ladybug kind is filled with overly excitable and jealous females, lets gather by the fire where the bark still burns, and Sebastian’s body slowly smolders. Two ladybugs stood drinking to the memory of their burnt buddy.

“Dude, he was my best friend,” said Brett.
“Bro, I know, cause you’re my best friend,” replied Fred.
“Dude, I guess that means we each others best buds now.”
“Bro, we should totally do something awesome to honor Sebastian’s memory,” Fred said.
“Maybe a nice plaque.”
“Yeah, plaques are cool, but Brett, it isn’t bro-enough, ya know? We need to go big.”
They took swigs of their bugbrew for inspiration. Fred scratched behind his pronotum, “Bro, I got it.”
Fred looked Brett squarely in the eye, “We ride the nose tip of a seal.”
“Hells yeah.”
On the other side of the fire, grandmother ladybug talks to the young spotless aphids, “I see the questions in your eyes and the furrowing of your antennas. I know not how to answer or ease your minds. There is no single answer, just as there is no single story upon these sands; just as each of you are a short shinning moment in the Great Cup of Java, the death of Sebastian is a single moment on the shores of Ladybug beach. Live, explore, and adore the feel of the breeze. Don’t linger in the voices of yesterday or tomorrow, hear the song the air sings now. Find solace in the warm fire and the knowledge it is fueled by one of your own.”
Thus ends the first lesson of Ladybug Beach.


~ by ambur on October 16, 2012.

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